Soren had his head on my lap in church today when I noticed that his outer ear was shamefully waxy. All logical thought processes were immediately replaced with Mothering Program 5.67, which runs the following persistent message: "Must. Remove. Smudge. With. Spit." So I licked my finger, stuck it in Soren's ear, and rubbed it around. It was only after the poor kid sat up, grabbing at his ear, looking at me as though I had lost my mind, that I realized what I had done: I had given my own child a wet willy. During sacrament meeting.
But at least his ear got clean.