Abraham, Rachel, Soren and Liam. Our life together in Smalltown, Idaho.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Liam: Welcome Letter

Dear Liam,

You're lying on a blanket in your carseat and I'm sitting right next to you with the computer on my lap, watching you sleep and listening to the little creaks and squeaks you make as you dream. Soren and Daddy are at Grandma's house, which means that you and I have a few rare moments to be alone. You don't seem to notice or care, however. You just want to sleep.

The pajamas you wear drown your tiny little body and your face is tanned with jaundice. You hold your little arms in a praying mantis position and your long thin fingers hang down. You just woke up and stretched long enough to noisily fill your diaper, then drifted back into sleep. The nurses at the hospital were worried that your jaundice would make you too sleepy to remember to eat, but that hasn't been a problem at all. The moment your eyes open you're ready for food, a desire you aren't afraid to express loudly.

When Soren was a newborn I read a book called Chocolat, picked up and savored during the long hours I spent nursing and rocking him. The mother in the book referred to her child as "My Little Stranger." I remember thinking it was an apt description then for my little Soren, and I find myself using it now, for you, as I look into your dark almond-shaped eyes and sense that inside your tiny little body is a whole human being, unique, beautiful, already whole, just waiting to unfold. Thus far, you have been a very serene baby, content to sleep and eat and occasionally open your eyes and calmly look around. (Around here that makes you both strange and a stranger.)
Your Daddy fell in love with you the moment he laid eyes on you. You should see the way he lights up when you're in his arms, the gentle cheery voice he uses when you open your eyes. He has a hard time putting you down and can't look at you without making a remark like, "What a handsome little boy!" Soren is a little more dubious. He gives you hugs and kisses and watches with great concern whenever you cry, but he's also wondering where he fits in to this newly shaped family, and has begun fighting naps and bedtimes, afraid, perhaps that when he awakes you will have replaced him completely. But here we are, now, joyfully irrevocable, the four of us: Daddy, Mommy, Soren, and Liam. Your family.

Welcome Home, Little Stranger.




heidi said...

I feel like Nick! That made me weepy! (Yes, I admit, when you WELCOMED HOME your little STRANGER: tears made it into eyes! Lucky Liam. I want to be welcomed, too! And even more, I want every baby inside of every person everywhere to at long last receive their welcome!! Receive it every day!)

And--reading your words about Seeing in the new baby an entire human being, "unique, beautiful, already whole, just waiting to unfold" I resonate so much. At first glance I was mad I hadn't written those words myself! 'Til I realized I could quote you should I need to.

I'm feeling so nostalgic for I don't-know-what I want to hug someone and cry!

Rachel said...

Sounds like baby hunger to me, Heidi. :)

heidi said...

Dear Rachel,
What?! WHAT!!!!
I have no idea what you are talking about. Just because I gobble down every baby in sight, just consume them whole... has nothing to do with the aspersions you just... aspersed at me.
I will, gladly, steal your baby Chocolat-style before I will admit to any such... what you said!!!

With love--heidi

p.s. actually, i would, in reality, admit to anything before gobbling, stealing, or harming a baby. although they are delicious!

Nick said...

Sigh. Heidi took the words from my mouth. Any child would be heaven blessed (if indeed such a thing occurs) to arrive into this little family of yours. :) Love you all.

heidi said...

I feel bad that I stole the words out of Nick's mouth but I love the ones he replaced them with.
(I have a hard time knowing how to offer sacred "blessings" not having God's handprint glowing on my forehead to prove to myself & to others that I have that sort of holy authority. I'm going to store away this model of blessing--"you surely are blessed, if...")

Sorry, Rach. I'm sure that my posting three out of the five comments to this post must contribute to some sort of instability in your mini-blogoverse.

hogs and kises! (as Tessa says. well, said. in my heart will always say.) luv, h



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