The Mr. Jones Workout

Mr. Jones is a retired Army Sergeant. He loves music, he loves food, he talks tough, and he has a heart of gold. He speaks with a slight southern accent, wears a full gray beard, owns Sarah Palin's autobiography, and has a thousand stories to tell about his adventures in the military. Abe and I met him at Harbor House, where he was merrily passing his work hours subjecting the residents (teens who were there for inpatient drug and alcohol rehabilitation) to various wholesome tortures (mostly things that would make the politically correct sector bite their nails, and so which I will keep to myself), but among the tamer of these ordeals were his infamous military-style workouts. Last winter, about this time, I was starting to feel a little out of shape. I emailed Mr. Jones to get the scoop on his workout. "Abe says the girls could do 50 push-ups," I wrote. "Could you tell me what you did to make that happen?"

His response:

"Yes the girls could do 50 push-ups & run 2 miles. You will need to get some moderate & fast paced rock music. About 45 minutes worth. I'll fix you up a disc with the tunes we used.

1. 5 minutes to stretch out & limber up.

2. Start with Ozzy Ozborns' Crazy Train & do 50 4 count jumping jacks.

3. Without stopping; run in place for 2 minutes. When 2 minutes is up; drop & do 5 male push-ups.

4. Return to running in place for 2 minutes. After 2 minutes; 5 male push-ups.

5. Roll over & do 25 sit-ups; military type. Knees bent, hands locked behind head.

6. Run in place for 2 minutes. Immediately do 25 deep knee bends..

7. Do 1 more deep knee bend; go to male push-up position & do 5 push-ups.

8. Return to Running for 2 minutes. After 2 minutes do 25 regular count jumping jacks.

9. Now do 25 sit-ups. Remember, there is no breaks during the entire workout.

10.Laying flat do 4 count leg lifts; 25 repetitions.

11.Return to running in place for 2 minutes. Pace all of the running & other exercises with the beat of the music.

12. Quickly get down & do 5 male push-ups.Return to running in place. Every 30 seconds start slowing down your pace. Keep moving around.

I would end the session with 5 Ranger Push Ups. This is a 4 count, over time exercise. The kids hated this exercise with a passion.

Do this for 5 days in a row. No exercise for 2 days."

He did make me a workout CD, which he brought when he and his lovely wife, Bonnie, came over to our place for dinner one evening. I did it for a few months and then, as I always do with exercise, got bored and found something else to do. I've started thinking about it again lately, though, because I've once again reached that part of winter where I'm really needing an extra endorphin boost.

I started it again tonight and plan to keep using it until the roads are safe for running on again. I like this workout because it usually only takes about thirty minutes from start to finish but leaves me feeling like I've exercised. I'm too wussy to do 5 days in a row, but I do plan to shoot for three days a week.