Abraham, Rachel, Soren and Liam. Our life together in Smalltown, Idaho.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Man Categories

On our walk this evening, Abraham casually stated that he thought that all guys could pretty much fit into one of three categories: Nerd Man, Jock Man, and Hunting/Fishing Man. I, of course, immediately began to test his theory, thinking of various men I knew and seeing if they could be categorized as one of those three types. After some discussion, we came up with a few more categories and decided that most men would probably identify with one of the following profiles:

Jock/Sports Man
Plays basketball at the church on Saturday mornings with his friends. Is perfectly happy to watch sports on television--any sport, any team--for as long as his wife will let him. Jock/Sports Man often volunteers to coach his kids' little league teams.

Huntin' and Fishin' Man
In the winter, he's ice fishing and duck hunting. In the summer, he's fly fishing and shooting at rock chucks. You won't see him at all in the fall. If he's not actually out hunting or fishing, Huntin' and Fishin' Man loves to read maps, explore possible hunting and fishing destinations, practice his new moose call, and shop at Sportsman's Warehouse. His dream vacation destination is Alaska. He peruses the Cabela's catalog while sitting on the toilet. His deep-freeze is stuffed with venison and elk.

Car Man
Loves anything with a motor in it: motorcycles, trucks, boats, four-wheelers, lawn mowers-- but he particularly loves cars. Car Man spends hours perusing Craig's List and the Thrifty Nickel in search of fantastic deals on cars and/or car parts. On weekends, you'll usually find him in the garage, doing something he refers to as "tinkering." He attends the classic car show every year, year after year.

Nerd Man
Reads mostly Science Fiction and Fantasy. Likes electronics. Watches The Discovery Channel. Plays computer games. Is familiar with String Theory and Quantum Physics. I'm married to a Nerd Man, so it's hard for me to make sweeping generalizations here.

Artistic Man
Really enjoys music and art. Dreams of owning his own pottery wheel. Likes to take pictures. Owns a set of oil paints and keeps a couple of blank canvases on hand, just in case. Attends live plays and symphonies. Buys his produce at the Farmer's Market; buys his furniture at the Flea Market. Cares about the environment. Enjoys poetry and literature. Artistic Man is often, but not always, gay.

Workin' Man
Is completely wrapped up in his career. He spends as much time as possible working, putting in long hours at the office, carrying his laptop wherever he goes, and answering all work-related calls in the evenings and on weekends. If he can't be working at his actual job, Workin' Man likes to mow the lawn, powerwash the truck, and make home repairs.

Criminal Man
Spends his spare time engaging in criminal, or at least questionable, activities, such as hanging out in bars, fighting, doing drugs, acquiring new tattoos, injuring loved ones, engaging in illicit sexual activities, etc. Criminal Man spends his weekends in jail.

Some men will exhibit characteristics from multiple types, and some won't fit at all. For example, Abe has a friend who likes watching old re-runs of MASH, fixing canoes, restoring old lawn-mowers, skiing cross-country, and studying history. He doesn't really seem to have a category. And I had a boss who really liked learning about new things, traveling to new places, and sleeping around. I'm not really sure where to put him either.

But I thought these were funny and largely accurate and so I thought I'd share and see what you all thought: do these categories work?

What type of man are you/are you married to/are the men that you know?


heidi said...

I just wrote THREE pages, it must have been, and I accidentally deleted it all.

To say--that Paul has some Sports Man in him, and some Nerd, and a whole lot of Artistic Man.

But then I went on a rant about how uncaring and unfeeling the whole human race is, so perhaps it's just as well that it all got deleted.

And, I decided that I would be "Angry Judgmental Woman."

Pamela said...

I find this humorous... My husband fits into severl of these categories... But then again you know that... ;) I am however curious as to see what your idea of women categories there are... I have thought about many of the men in my life, Brother (car man), Father (hunter/fisherman man), but my husband has traits from each...

Lara said...

LOL funny stuff. Nathan would have to be in the Nerd Man category, although he does want a pottery wheel. Which is kinda funny cause he's the least gay guy ever, sadly. Also he wishes he was a Car Man.

I don't think women can be put into categories like these. I'm a fairly steady female, but even I have lots of changes. But it would be fun to see a list :P

Lara said...

Also, I REALLY like that picture of you guys! You look hot Rachel, Abe looks dark with those ever-lowered eyebrows, Soren looks exactly how I would imagine him to always look like, and Liam looks like a confused baby. LOVE IT!

Karen said...

I'm pretty sure you used Seth as your template for the Huntin'& Fishin' Man. Although not all of those traits fit... I mean we don't even HAVE a deep-freeze. ;)

My dad is one whom I would have a hard time putting into any of these categories.

Nick Wheeler said...

Artistic man, of course. But I might be criminal man, too since I spend a lot of time in bars. ;)

Funny what Karen said, I thought you were talking about Loel.

Nick Wheeler said...

One of my (gay) roommates is totally Car Man. Blows my mind. You should see his big truck.

Karen said...

That's what she said.

heidi said...


Karen, I love you and your sense of humor.

Lara said...

You need to do some Woman Categories. :)

Justin is a lot of working man with some nerd man and artistic man thrown in with just a dash of car man.

I wonder if a missing category would be Media Man - movies, music, television, books, all kinds of modern, popular entertainment. Justin would definitely go there.

Rachel said...

H-I'm super sad that your three pages were lost. So frustrating! But I'm sure I agreed with the whole of the rant. Except for any parts that were pro-socialism. :)

P-Which one would you say is Clarence's PRIMARY category?

L.S.-I agree with you. I don't think women can be categorized like this. I can't really think of a single category for a woman. Guys are a simpler breed, I guess. Also, it's ADORABLE that Nate wants a pottery wheel. Also, thanks for thinking I'm hot. I have to keep promising Abe I won't run away with you.

K-Seth was largely my template, though I drew from my co-worker's husband for the deep-freeze portion. :)

N-I used you as my template for Artistic Man! I was about to publish, and then I was all, but where would Nick fit it?

L.Z.-I was sure that Justin was an Artistic Man! You're right, though...I missed some categories. There should probably be Intellectual Man, Media Man, and other men that I haven't thought of.

Collette Smith said...

How about Technology Man (*cough* Scott, Abe*)? DIY man? Cowboy Man (Uncle Kenneth)?

Also, I have known more than one Farmer Man:

He's a meat-and-potatoes guy. Roly-poly in his bib overalls, he wields farm tools with finesse. Does all his shopping at C-A-L Ranch. Is fluent in pig, horse, cow, and chicken, which probably explains the blatant western twang. First job was bucking hay. The wife bakes pies. He and his tractor are one.

Cutest. Man. Ever.

I myself married a "Family Man". Though his interests fall into several categories (including the not-yet-mentioned "Secretly Loves Musicals" category,) everything he does involves/revolves around his family.

Some men defy description.


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